Random thoughts on a Monday night…..

Coffee shower.....

So the other day at my place of employment, im sitting at my desk, minding my own business when I feel a "rain drop" touch my ear. Your probably thinking, "How can it rain in an office. What the hell are you talking about?" You are half right, ill explain, just keep reading. Before I was able to process what the hell just touched my ear, I heard a loud cough/ sneezing noise & before I knew it, I felt a surge of liquid splash over the right side of my body & on to my desk. Stunned & pissed, I yelled "what the f&#$", and I turned around ready to kill someone. [I initially thought someone had wasted water on me……on purpose.] When I turned around, the reality of the situation was a lot worse. My 60 yr old female co-worker, had choked on coffee & spewed it all over her cubical & all over me. HOLY SHIT!!! This b**** threw up partially digested coffee all over my arm, my papers & my keyboard. I just stood there and looked at her. I was too pissed to acknowlege the millions of , "im sorrys that came out of her mouth". I think I have come a long way with this anger issue I have. Because old Emeka, would have quickly given her a brutal tounge lashing without thinking twice. New Emeka, slowly un-bawled his fists, forced a smile & quietly walked to the restroom [where he screamed an un Godly amount of explitives as he cleaned upchuck coffee off of his wool sweater.] This happened at about 8 am last Thursday morning. Not a bad way to start your day right?

You’re a personal trainer??? Seriously???

I was at the gym the other day [people watching instead of working out], when I saw what looked like a gym member getting work out tips from a personal trainer. What kept my attention on this otherwise normal gym interaction, was the fact that the personal trainer looked about 50 pounds overweight and severely out of shape. If my memory serves me correctly, I want to say that I saw a bead of sweat racing down the side of his forehead as he was explaining proper technique on an ab machine. [This happened a few days ago, so its not really fresh in my mind] Call me crazy, but shouldn’t personal trainers be in shape and not look like they are a twinkie away from obesity. Is that too much to ask? You may be giving me bullshit advice, but i need my trainer to at least deceive me with his appearance by being in shape. I understand that not all things hinge on physical appearance, but dang, shouldn’t personal fitness be an unspoken requirement when one fills out an application to be a personal trainer? I don’t understand how you can pay a personal trainer 50 bucks an hour & take him seriously when he looks like fat Albert in spandex. Hey hey hey........


Why aren’t you drinking?

I’ve decided to take a break on the alcohol. Well at least the hard stuff. I think ill limit myself to the occasional glass of wine, but that’s about it. I recently started working on my abs during workouts & I've actually made progress reducing the keg to a case of 24. [Small victories folks] But seriously, Im starting to see some real progress & I think the only thing standing in my way of a washboard stomach, is my addiction to frozen margaritas & corona. I think im going to try to abstain for a month and see where that gets me. But people are making it hard for me to say no. Its like people have this innate urge to help you fall off the wagon when they find out you trying to cut back on something. Let’s say for instance you go to a happy hour spot to hang out with friends and you give them your spiel about not wanting to drink. The rest of the night you have to stand up to peer pressure as they go out of their way to put a drink in your hand. Instead of a “That’s cool, good luck with that”, you are greeted with this confused sideways look of disbelief. “Your not drinking? C’mon, this rounds on me”. I almost feel like a woman rejecting the advances of a creepy old guy, every time I have to say no. And they always try to entice you by saying it’s on them. As if im some cheap fuck who doesn’t want to shell out the cash for a drink. UGH!!! I guess the best way to avoid this situation is to just stay at the house, but that’s no fun right?

Who’s your team?

In light of the Giants improbable run in the playoffs, I thought id just put it out there where my allegiances lie as far as other sports go. This time of year, you see a lot of bandwagon jumpers and, to me , that’s the worst sports insult there is. There is nothing worse than a bandwagon, front running, sports center watching, always rooting for the team that’s winning at the moment jackass. So in an effort to not be confused with the aforementioned fools here ya go:

Football – NY Giants (the biggest no brainer on this list)

Basketball – Dallas Mavericks. (I grew up watching Derek Harper & Shawn Bradley and Pop Eye Jones stink up reunion arena every other night with my parents. The last couple of seasons have caused me to detach myself emotionally, but these are still my boys.

Honorable mention to: any team Allen Iverson plays for & the Lakers (before Kobe ruined the team) I like how the Suns play, but not enough to root for them if they play the Mavs……

Hockey – Don’t give a shit

Soccer – Manchester, Liverpool & Real Madrid

Baseball – NY Yankees ( I love the fact that they can buy anybody they want)

College Football – UNT (by default) I really liked Texas but then they recruited Chris Simms. Im pretty neutral & don’t really care either way.

College Basketball – UNT (by default) I dunno man, I remember when college basketball had stars & I used to care more. Now a days people go to school for a year and bounce. I used to love watching Iverson @ Georgetown & Camby @ UMASS. But that was years ago when kids tricked you into thinking they wanted an education by staying in school for at least 3yrs. I guess im neutral in this one too.

I think that about covers it. Hopefully this written record will help clarify any questions about my sports allegiances. I didn’t really have to do this, but some people just love to argue……….you know who you are……..

......till next time