The Cold Within by James Patrick Kinney

Six humans trapped by happenstance
In dark and bitter cold
Each possessed a stick of wood–
Or so the story’s told.

Their dying fire in need of logs,
But the first one held hers back,
For, of the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.

The next one looked cross the way
Saw one not of his church,
And could not bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes
He gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought
Of wealth he had in store,
And keeping all that he had earned
From the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man’s face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For he saw in his stick of wood
A chance to spite the white.

And the last man of this forlorn group
Did nought except for gain,
Giving just to those who gave
Was how he played the game,

Their sticks held tight in death’s stilled hands
Was proof enough of sin;
They did not die from cold without–
They died from cold within.

Till next time...

Random thoughts on a Wednesday night

I cant sleep so I thought I'd increase my blog tally for the month. Lucky you. Just kidding. But seriously.

Dude sweat

I have been a beast in the gym lately. I don't feel any different, but apparently people are noticing changes in my body. Male & Female. I don't really mind the female attention, but for some reason guys feel compelled to approach me at the gym. Yes, I have been approached by numerous guys while I am in the middle of my grueling, sweaty, sometimes stinky gym routine. I just don't get. I always thought it was guy code to not even make eye contact with other males at the gym. If this is still true, there are many in violation at LA Fitness & the my apt gym. Most times its just a head nod or a ill catch a dude starring, but today I was interrupted twice by the same guy. First he asked me if I played pro football & the second time he stopped me to tell me that he was leaving and that it was nice meeting me. WTF. I cant even make this shit up. If the dude didn't have a wedding ring on his finger, I would be a little weirded out, because that type of behavior is borderline gay. On second thought, he could be married to a dude, it is 2009. In any case, am I wrong for thinking that its weird to admire or approach another guy at the gym?I must be wired different, because I cant imagine fixing my lips to talk to someone I don't know while I'm working out. Let alone approach him for gym tips or congratulate him on being in good shape. The shit just doesn't make any sense. I just go in and do my thing as if I'm the only one there. People are strange. I think I need a Bob & Dan ruling from anyone that follows or reads this blog. Is it gay to approach another guy in the gym about his gym routine, make small talk or congratulate another dude on being buff, in shape, or really strong? I think it is raging fucking gay, but I've also had three glasses of Mascato while writing this blog...... 

90's R&B

I was going through my CD collection and found some old school Tevin Campbell.  Man that took me back. Remember when R&B music was good? I do, it was all in the 90's. Back then it wasn't about having a gimmick or affiliation, it was purely about the music. Since college I haven't been able to get a good nights sleep without having music playing in the background. I gotta have my slow jams playing for me to get an effective 8 hours of sleep. Its just soothing and takes me back to happier times in my life, when my biggest concern was which starter jacket am I gonna wear to school today. Those were the days. As I am typing this I am listening to  PM Dawn. My real R&B fans remember the Boomerang soundtrack, that shit had some jams! I need to get that movie on bootleg now that I think of it. *mental note* Anyway, there are a few cats I listen to these days, but they ain't shit on what came out in the 90's. Probably the best decade ever for R&B music. Point blank period.

Till next time.......

I wanna be sedated......

I don't think I will ever adjust to not being in a relationship. It has been over 6 months since I have spoken to my ex, so I'm pretty sure that this thing is for real. I think people that go in and out of relationships like its nothing (or give the appearance that its nothing) are extraordinary human beings. I know people that don't waste time dating or entertaining other people on a serious level after they have split with an ex. Its been 7 months and I cant even stomach the idea. I must be missing that gene in body that will just give someone else a chance. It seems that I have been ruined by a good woman because it is going to take a modern miracle for me to ever look at another girl the way I looked at her. I get advice all the time "date around", "see whats out there". I don't like being alone, but I do have a conscious. I cant waste someones time and I don't want to waste my time either. I can tell from the instant that I meet someone that its either gonna be purely physical or an emotional waste of their time. Strange thing is that for some reason, when you "reject" women, they seem to come on stronger. Mind boggling. I don't wanna be that guy that messes around with a girl and leads her on ya know. Don't get me wrong, Ive done it in the past, I just think i should change my ways. Or at least try. I wish I could trust God more on this one. Then maybe I wouldn't be so consumed by this that I have to take to the blog in order to avoid shedding tears randomly. There are days that I struggle with the notion that THIS is all part of Gods plan for me. I think today is one of those days. I just want to be happy but it seems like nights alone and dinners for one continue to be my present and very much apart of my future. I am going to be honest. This sucks. I guess the silver lining for me in this is that the next time I find myself in a relationship that I find value in; I will treasure it and not take it for granted. I think that was part of my problem to begin with. No matter what happened, I just felt like my relationship with my ex could take it. Like it was something that could be continually tried and tested........and never fall apart. I was wrong. Very wrong. That's something Ill have to think about forever. And try not to repeat if I am lucky enough to be in a similar situation down the road.

Well, at least work is going good........oh wait.......not so much

I am bored as hell at work. Don't get me wrong, the money is good, but I guess I am getting to the point of being so insanely bored that I might actually go look for another job. Crazy right? I know, it scared me just typing it. A few months ago, I was told that a promotion was in the works, but I think that's something they tell talented employees to discourage them from looking. Guess what, it fucking worked like a charm on me. I stopped looking and even started spending money that I don't have. Two months later (and no discussion of the previously stated promotion); I find my self quietly saying FML to myself everyday I walk into the office.

At least school is going ok........wait nope......not so much......

The aforementioned cocksuckers that I am employed by, pulled our tuition reimbursement benefit two weeks before I was eligible to receive it. Talk about perfect timing. Citing the economic downturn they felt like it was in the company's best interest to pull it. I feel like I owe it to myself and to my parents to get my Masters degree, but I ain't paying for that shit. We are in a recession and I need every penny I can scrape together. I am a phone call away from being laid off like the other 8% in this state. So basically, I need to find a new job. One that will pay me what I am worth and pay for my Masters. I guess I could focus my energy on that. Well see how that goes. Fuck.

Till next time........

HR3200 Debate

I need to do better about getting my thoughts out, but I just haven't been inspired to.............until now.

I just had a very healthy and spirited debate about one of the most controversial topics of the day: HR3200, which is most commonly referred to as America's Affordable Health Choices Act of 2009.

For weeks I, like many of you, have seen ad after ad, lie after lie regarding this very controversial and polarizing piece of legislation. So much has been said, one might actually be inclined to believe some of the "Death Panel" nonsense that has been fed to anyone willing to eat it.

Well, last night President Obama decided, once and for all, to set the record straight so that all Americans could see this bill for what it truly is. While I have my own criticisms of the bill I still wanted to give the President an opportunity help me understand exactly what the bill entailed. You can image my surprise when I scanned the audience and saw so many House & Senate Republicans acting like toddlers being to forced to eat baby food. I honestly couldn't believe my eyes. Members of the GOP, sulked, bitched & moaned throughout the entire speech & one jackass even had the nerve to interupt the President by yelling at him.

Needless to say this pissed me off. So much so, that I went to bed pissed. Woke up pissed & went to work pissed. Naturally, me being the facebook addict that I have become, I updated my status to convey my frustration to the world : "Emeka thinks republicans are fuckin ridiculous".....

I expected to get some comments, but nothing quite like this:

Emeka thinks republicans are fuckin ridiculous....

Eric
me too!!!!

Raji

I don't know many people who can argue with common sense or the act of being humane and loving your neighbors. But that was before I met the RNC.


Chris

Why?

Emeka

@ Chris: Its one thing to disagree with the President, but it’s another to blatantly sulk and disrespect the President during a speech. I wasn't sure if he was addressing a room full of Senators or a detention hall full of flunkies from Jackson Middle School. Based on the immature actions of the republicans last night, it was hard to tell the difference.......which is fuckin ridiculous

Valentine

yep, first they spew propaganda telling parents to keep their kids at home during Obama's speech to kids. Then this Joe Wilson guy yells out during Obama's speech as if he is at a bar. The truth is that republicans still cannot get over the fact they lost the last election and they will do everything in their power to make it difficult Obama.

Eric

its crazy how the republicans are trying EVERYTHING in their power to scare america into thinking we have ZERO chance to succeed with Obama as president. Its people coming into my job and coming to class really believing in 5 years we ALL will be standing in food lines like they did back during the great deppression. People REALLY believe that will happen because of our president. Fuckin rediculous!!!!!!!

Chinedu

Did anybody see the Republican response after the speech? Now that mess was ridiculous! It was like dude didn't even watch the address....

Chris

I think that anyone is entitled to react and respond to a statement from the President. While the timing and delivery was definitely inappropriate, the President has not considered the millions of American's who are pleading with him to make a compromise rather than shove some last-minute bill through Congress. They literally gave Congress less ... Read Morethan 12 hours to review a bill over 1000 pages before they were scheduled to vote. That is simply impossible. There are too many loopholes, gray areas, and financial discrepancies that Obama has yet to explain. I have yet to hear any concrete, factual backing to his promises. While the majority of Americans would say that yes, something needs to change with healthcare, it is scary to think that Obama is going to pass this without thorough (or any!) research and experimentation. His mysterious motives are the cause of irate and emotional outburst. America is desperate for factual information from him and he has yet to provide it...

Chris

...Any state that has had a public option has miserably failed. Healthcare in foreign countries is nothing less than morbid. THAT is why people are becoming overly emotional. The past and current state of other puplic health plans are the only examples we have and they arent positive. What's scarier is HR3200 is not something that you can just take... Read More away and reverse if it doesnt work. And if it does NOT work, America is going to be in a huge amount of trouble. None of this means that ANYONE is ridiculous, it means that people feel helpless, hopeless, and out of control. Yes, Obama is the President of this country, but this is also MY country and he is not listening to me and my concerns with healthcare. He REFUSES to listen. THAT is the root of the problem.

Dominique
@chris....your statesments sounds like what democrats have been saying about previous republican presidents for years....hmmm

Valentine

"Healthcare in other countries .... morbid" . I have lived in UK and i can tell you that for the regular joe who is not rolling in cash the healthcare system is effective. Republicans are puppets of insurance company lobbyists, at a detriment to the progress of the country and its ppl they would rather be bull headed at the idea of change. I see ... Read Moreall these ppl at the town hall meetings half of them dont even know what they are suppose to be mad about, which gets you thinking " are they really arguing the healthcare bill or are they mad at something else. I say fuck the republicans and move right ahead with or without them.

Emeka
@ Chris: I understand you argument. I hear what you are saying. Trust me, I know as well as anyone that this process has been very disjointed. But what continues to baffle me is this justification of actions. Just because you don... Read More’t agree with something, even something as polarizing as this, doesn’t give anyone the right to be disrespectful to anyone. Especially The God Damn President of the United States. I haven’t seen this much outward distain for any US President ever in my life & it makes me sick. Hell for all Bush put this country through; he didn’t get HALF of the nonsense that OBAMA has been getting. IT’S FUCING RIDICULOUS. This fact and this fact alone is what my status was referring to..........

Emeka

......As far as HR3200 is concerned, I too have my concerns about passing a bill of such magnitude in such haste. But if you... Read More’re looking for a scape goat, you don’t have to look any further than the GOP. There might be time for proper review had the GOP actually tried to help shape a bill that served the greater good instead of self interests. What kills me is that they really aren’t needed for this thing to pass, but in light of that fact Obama still wanted to work with the GOP to make sure their voices (YOUR VOICE) where heard. Simply put, they didn’t want to hear it. Instead you got your Glen Becks, Rush Limbaughs and Joe Wilsons of the world fighting any hint of change to the established order of things. The GOP killed any chance of bipartisan progress being made on this bill. THAT’S a FACT......

Emeka

......And now that Obama has slowly swayed a majority of reluctant Democrats to support this, NOW the GOP wants to heckle “What about us... Read More”, NOW they want to run defamatory TV adds “We are killing our seniors”, NOW they want to claim the most outrageous propaganda you’ve ever heard to anyone that will listen to stop something that they could have been influential in shaping. I am sorry that you feel that your voice is not being heard, but I guarantee you wouldn’t feel that way if you had better conservative leadership. I voted for Obama. I trust that everything being done in regards to HR3200 is for the genuine betterment of this country. Will there be problems? Probably. How we confront these problems will define this country going forward and at the moment I have every reason to feel optimistic that we will figure it out. It would be nice if the Republicans took a break from their childlike antics long enough to help….

Chinedu

Took the words right out of my mouth. The President said in his speech that his door is ALWAYS open for ppl to come and express their ideas, yet Republicans want to spread ridiculous nonsense about "killing seniors" and "DEATH PANELS".....seriously...DEATH PANELS? Absolute NONSENSE!!!

Alisha

Meka...I think you said enough! LOL!! I will say this: SOME republicans are absolute sore losers and are demonstrating so in their ridiculous behaviors, i.e. spreading foolish lies, creating panic over a harmless speech, disrespecting the president during a national address, etc. The election of our first black president has rubbed the very worst ... Read Moreout of the dormant, silent bigots of this country and its very sad to say the least. I am disappointed in the Republican party and the way in which they have chosen to play "politics." Its dirty, disrespectful, and shameful....F'n ridiculous as you called it!
:-)

Rebekah

GREAT comments...I too saw the republicans acting like a bunch of adolescent school girls...pouting, slouching in their chairs, whispering to one another and playing on cell phones...seriously, it was a hot mess!!! And I personally feel that they are more concerned with putting $ in their pockets than HELPING the middle and lower class. They are ... Read Moreso blinded by their HATE and MISTRUST of President Obama, they don't even realize that they are blocking PROGRESS! I say pass that bill and let them SULK!

If people stop listening to IDIOTS like Rush, Glen, Hannity & Palin, maybe they will learn the TRUTH about the proposed bill and stop making up lies! ANd to be honest, I feel some RACIAL tension that is in effect with this as well. I have NEVER seen a US PRESIDENT be so DISRESPECTED by a representative like I saw last night! That was soooo disapointing... The GOP needs to get over it!

Jackie

Republicans are idiots and all of a sudden have amnesia of the last 8 years. They want facts now but we still haven't found those WMDs and don't let me start with Dick.

I wish these republicans could replay the radio interview with Ronald Reagan (republican) saying that this new social order called Social Security was something that would leave the US open to invasion by the Nazi Germans. And now republicans are fighting so hard to keep it just bc the opposite would mean agreeing with Obama..

Who came up with the idea of Medicare..democrat, who is actually making change to help the American people and not just throw bombs back and forth overseas..democrat..the list goes on... Read More

This is nothing but covert racism and political postering..republicans say it has nothing to race but why else would u keep ur kid home just bc the president is speaking?!?!

There is nothing like nice healthy friendly debate. Now that you've read this, whats your take?

If you don't have one, you should.....

Till next time...........

.......when love is your problem

............nothing can solve it. Who knew this clown with a lisp and an Atlanta Braves fitted had so much talent. Of course I'm referring to The Dream and his new album "Love vs. Money". Get it. Its good. Really good.

Anyway, I haven't been on here in a minute so I guess I should give a little recap of what's been going down in the world of Emeka.

Beckham: He's still proving all the haters wrong. Sounds pretty cheesy but this guy really inspires me. He's constantly scrutinized and criticized but time and time again he turns the other cheek and with a grin on his face, he proves everyone wrong. He doesn't mind being hated or being the villain. He can take it because he knows at the end of the day each time he puts on that England jersey and performs at a high level, he is one step closer to history: South Africa 2010.

Work: Despite the recession, I am still gainfully employed at "Random Video Rental Company Inc". Its been a year since I left that shitty candy company I used to work for and by far its the best thing that I could have ever done for my career. But with a new job comes a new set of challenges, some that I never thought I would be forced to deal with. I feel torn about the current state of things at work because on one hand I am doing what I set out to when I graduated college. I am constantly learning & I feel like I have grown leaps and bounds in one year than I did in the 2 1/2 years at the shitty candy company I used to work for. On the flip side the work load can be extremely heavy. I look at the people who are higher in the food chain and wonder how the hell they are able to function in society as much as they work. I see what the career path is where I am & I sometimes ask myself "Is that what you want to do with your life?" I never thought work would ever effect my life outside of it, but this job has shattered that perception. Don't get me wrong, I work hard. I've worked hard for everything I have and I am thankful for every opportunity that I have been given. But when you watch multiple people leave, one of which left because he barely saw his young child awake because he worked so much, you have to take a step back and ask yourself, "Is this for me". I don't exactly know the answer to that just yet, but I'm sure in time I will.

Friends: For some reason this year I have managed to lose a lot of close friends and one important relationship (probably the relationship of my life) just ended. I think it would be easy to just pass this off as a case of they suck and its them, not me; but maybe it is me. Maybe there is something about me that just eventually pushes people away. I don't have that "Let them make it gene", no matter who you are, if you make me feel a certain way, ill let you know how it is, and I guarantee you won't want to hear it. Most people don't, and that's how good friendships/relationships go bad. I feel like at the age of 26 I should be able to manage relationships better than I have. I don't know if I can change though. When things go bad/I'm backed into a corner /I'm pushed too hard,  I just shut down and walk away.  It's a lot easier for me to walk away from stuff than to deal with them head on. I think I am destined to be alone, at least thats the way it seems. Alone can be good though. Less people around to let you down.......

Moving forward:  For some reason I think I am going to start doing whatever the fuck I want to do. Being the first born to Nigerian parents, you are raised to sort of be fearful of everything. Nigerians like to go with the safe bet. Taking chances is looked at as being reckless instead of following your instincts or following your heart. So because I'm the mood I am going to list out a few things that I hope to accomplish this year, God willing

1) Tattoo-  I think its time for me to get some ink. I've been wanting this for some time & I think I am just gonna do it : Fuck it

2) Bubba - There is about 4grand worth of work that I want done to my truck to make it everything I ever wanted and I'm probably gonna do that too. I have a job, I have savings, why not. Yes, I named my truck Bubba. And I plan on getting a custom license plate too......

3) Vegas- I will be in Vegas at some point this year, maybe that's where ill get my tattoo

4) Re-evaluate living in Texas - not sure how much longer ill be living in Texas. I'm over Dallas. I'm kinda over Texas period. I feel like there is more to life than Dallas, TX and I want to see it....I need to see it......who knows.....

5) Get more involved in church. For some reason I've been acting like my parents didn't raise me to go to church. Like a heathen or something. I've been slacking big time. I need to get back in church. I need to get back to the basics.

6) Blog more. I always say my life could be a great pilot for a TV comedy or drama.....I need to start writing this shit down. If i can get back to a daily blog that would be cool. There is some good shit in these archives [shameless plug] , so i know I'm capable.....need to get off my ass.

Reality TV:  I swear this shit is like a drug. My new addiction is Bad Girls Club & For the love of Ray J. I faithfully DVR these shows and even watch the re-runs. I know its disgusting. I am out of control. Another good one is the show "From G's to Gents". Someone needs to go google this clown representing Houston named "Riff Raff".  That's probably the funniest name I've ever heard. So funny!! Nice to see that other people have train wrecks for lives as well. Good times.

I think this is enough for one night. I'm refreshed, I'm reloaded, I'm back.

Until next time.......................