back for the first time......

I know its been a while but I think im finally at a place where I can resume my normal blogging schedule. I'm just gonna warn you, my next few post are probably gonna be pretty depressing and sad, but I promised myself that I would keep it real on this blog & that I would use this as my release in hopes that anyone that comes across this blog can leave it saying........"I felt that" or at the very least relate to what they just read.

I don't intend on breaking that promise, so without further adieu.........

Day 232. No miracle today. More of the same. Maybe tomorrow will be the day....

Sometimes life can throw shit at you that is pretty tough to deal with. I'm gonna be honest here. I miss my ex girlfriend. I know at times, my actions may be contradictory, but I honestly miss her.



I MISS HER!



I don't know what I'm gonna do if this shit doesn't turn around. Being in this situation with someone you like is a piece of cake. You only "like" them right. You don't have anything invested in the relationship, you can brush yourself of and just move on to the next one.

Being in this situation with someone you love will is one of the hardest things Ive had to deal with in my 26 years on this earth. What makes this situation so difficult is that I can only blame one person.......ME. I'm so used to being the one with the "upper hand" in relationships. I'm always the one "in the right". I'm always the one contemplating giving someone a second or third chance. I have to be honest, Ive never been able to do it, so when I sit hear and ask this woman to do this thing Ive never been able to do, it make me sad, because I know that chances are really slim that this thing will end in my favor. I will say this : its very interesting to see how things are on the other side. When shit is your fault, you have absolutely no leverage at all. You cant say shit. You cant even make jokes about other people that have done things you are in "trouble" for. Being in this position with someone I genuinely care about has been the most depressing, lesson-has been learned; harsh bit of reality that has ever happened to me.

Ive been extremely vague about "the last straw", but trust me, if this woman can even look at me and smile, it will be a small miracle.

I know that its probably best if I just move on with my life, but I just cant. After everything that has happened, something in me still feels like she is the one. Maybe I'm in denial, maybe I'm selfish and stubborn, but this is just where I stand. One question that I find myself spending time debating is : When is it time to really move on? How long should you persist when all signs point to "no". I dunno man. Ive been told by many friends, that "If this is the girl you want: you'll do what it takes to get her back". My obvious response is :"Yes, she is worth it", but again I ask myself : When does "trying to get her back" turn into "crazy stalker that cant get a fucking clue"?. Something tells me that one way or another, I will have these answers very soon. Either way, this is the road I'm taking & I just have to have faith that things will work out for the best.

I feel trapped in my own self imposed prison. On one hand, I don't want her to move on. Selfish I know, but I don't want her to forget me. I want to remind her about the good times we had in hopes that she can look past our current situation and give me the second chance Ive been asking for. I know that all relationships are supposed to be equal. One person shouldn't have to chase or guilt trip the other back into the relationship, but still & with varied success, the guilt trip down memory lane, is my weapon of choice. I have no patience. This has been my flaw for years and I think I am too old to change. I just cant sit by idle while she attempts to move on with someone else. Even though, that might be what she needs to do in order to realize that I am the one for her. Something in me cant leave this up to fate to sort out. I got myself into this mess, I need to be the one to get myself out.

Just the idea of her calling some other dude her boyfriend makes me crazy. Like do something stupid , crazy. I cant imagine what ill do if I ever hear about her dating someone else; that's why I want to try to avoid that at all costs. I think I have silently made a pact with myself, that if she is "dating" someone else, then its probably in my best interest that I move one. Besides, prison stripes don't really look good on me, and that's probably what Id be wearing for the next 25 to life, if I ever heard about or witnessed her in a relationship with another dude. Again, hypocritical. Extremely hypocritical, but I think im entitled to feel this way. Call me crazy, but a crime of the heart far out ways a crime of the flesh. Shes always had my heart. If she decided to be in love with another, I really think something inside me would snap or break & I wouldn't be able to control the eventual rage & anger within that would consume everyone involved.

I know that the solution to this problem is no longer in my hands and that makes me crazy as well. It feels like no matter what I do, I just make the situation worse, but at the same time, if i do nothing I feel like I'm helping her move on. Catch 22.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

That being said, everyday this thing lingers on is like one more day in prison. I keep scheming up ways to get out, but it only adds time to my sentence. "Prison" isn't fun. Writing this isn't fun. Feeling this way isn't fun. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. Walking around ready to burst into tears in an instant, carrying this guilt and regret in me everyday, hoping for a miracle.


Day 233. No miracle today. More of the same. Maybe tomorrow will be the day....


I think I've already lost you

I think you're already gone

I think I'm finally scared now

You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong


I think you're already leaving

Feels like your hand is on the door

I thought this place was an empire

But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure

I think you're so mean - I think we should try

I think I could need - this in my life

I think I'm scared - I think too much

I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing


If you're gone - maybe it's time to come home

There's an awful lot of breathing room

But I can hardly move

If you're gone - baby you need to come home, come home

Cuz there's a little bit of something me

In everything in you


I bet you're hard to get over

I bet the wound just won't shut

I bet my hands I can stay here

I bet you need - more than you mind

I think you're so mean - I think we should try

I think I could need - this in my life

I think I'm just scared - that I know too much

I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling


If you're gone - maybe it's time to COME home

There's an awful lot of breathing room

But I can hardly move

If you're gone - baby you need to come home, come home

Cuz there's a little bit of something me

In everything in you

.....update

Wow, never thought id openly say this. But I am a bad person. Relationship wise that is. I just seem to have a knack for fucking things up. I was talking to a girl friend of mine and she made the comment,

"How come guys act like they know what they want, but they mess up and make things so hard"

When I graduated from college, I had it all. My degree, a good job, proud parents, truck I always wanted, smoking hot Nigerian girlfriend that was everything I ever wanted. Almost three years later, my life is in shambles. And I am scrambling, trying to pick up the pieces.

Life is funny, when one thing goes great in your life, other things tend to go the opposite directions.......and in a hurry.

Well I finally got my "dream job". I am a Financial Analyst @ Random Retail Video Chain Inc. Making more money that I thought I could at this age [25 yrs & 11 months]& working with really good people. I think my career has taken a positive step in the right direction and I thank God for all his blessings in this regard.

However, my personal life at best can be compared to a really bad episode of Melrose Place. [Showing my age there], ill make it a little easier for some of you unfamiliar, a shitty black version of The Hills?? Hopefully that helps. Anyhow, the shit has really hit the fan. I heard a quote that best sums up what I'm going thru/having to deal with at the moment:

"inevitably, the further you run from your sins, the more exhausted you are when they catch up to you. And they do"

I keep asking my self how the hell I got here. What have I ruined? How will this shit effect my life going forward? I don't really know the answers now, but I am scared as hell to find out. Ive already resolved that if she can deal with this shit, then she is the one meant for me to marry. I pray God gives her the strength to face me after all of this plays out. If not then I guess it was never meant to be. Something in my gut tells me that I wont ever see or hear from her again. I just cant help feeling responsible for all of this. WAIT!!! I AM RESPONSIBLE. I put that poor girl through so much, and the ironic things is that all I really wanted to do was make her happy. Make us happy. Things have gone from bad, to worse, to horribly gone wrong. Life has a way of changing your plan just when you think you have it all figured out.

God please give me the strength to deal with all of this. I know that you don't put your children thru anything they cannot handle, but I have no idea how I'm gonna deal with this on my own. I don't think I am strong enough.

I know this post is fairly vague, but its the best I can do under the current conditions. For those of you who know me personally or frequent this blog regularly, I just ask that you don't ask me too many questions right now, because I'm still trying to find the answers. Ive been dealing with alot of heavy shit the last few months.

Just know that I need your prayers now more than ever.

Till next time.........

Texas Two Step by Complex Simplicity

Busy week this week so I thought Id post an email I got from a friend regarding the ridiculous voting process. This is a real eye opener.

Till next time.......

Disappointed

I’m disappointed in the loss of Ohio and Texas, but I am more disappointed by the voting process

our voting area only had like 4 total machines to vote on….wtf is that? People, who went to vote after work, were still in line at 8pm waiting to vote. They wouldn’t let us caucus until the last vote was cast so all 600 of us had to wait outside in the cold…in mass confusion. No one knew what was going on, no one knew who was in charge, and no one knew what we were supposed to do next.

All information was pass around by word of mouth, and u just had to cross your fingers that the info u got was correct.
Once we all packed into the small elementary school gym at 805…we had to find our precinct # and shuffle around the packed gym till we found our table.
Now what?
No one knew what was going on, and the people running the caucus didn’t seem to know what was going on either. They didn’t have a megaphone or anything, so anytime they spoke, only about 20 people heard…
Garbage

Then they started playing games.
“Obama people to the right, Hillary to the left (of the table)”
10mins later, they move and spin the table…the say “Obama people to the north side, Hillary to the south side”

WTF

15 more minutes pass, then they whip out 3 lists, for us to sign in, on.
Do you know how long it takes 300 people to write an autobiography on a list (they asked for name, address, phone, email, race, gender, etc, etc)? Especially when no one knows what’s going on, there is no line, but a mass of humanity, and people are getting crushed into the voting table?

Anyways, so we sign the list, put our candidate down, and b4 we start out on our 15min trek to weave thru the crowd (to leave the table) they tell us not to leave. Why can’t we leave? No one knows

I was one of the first to sign the list, so I had to wait 40mins for everyone to sign on the list…and for the 3 people working the table, to count up all the Obama and Clinton votes.

Miserable

Remember this whole time, everyone’s starting to complain, everyone’s drenched in sweat, everyone crowded and pissed. There was this one disabled old blk lady that just spent the whole night correcting voting officials, yelling, arguing, and being annoying.

So, 940pm comes
They tell us the results of what we put on the list

Based on the side of our county, and how many people showed up to caucus, we were awarded a total of 23 delegates. 74% of the people voted for obama, so he got 17 of the 23.

Now what?
They split us up, obama one side of gym, Hillary on the other

They start up another list…now we need 17 people to volunteer to be a delegate, and drive to Frisco the last Sunday of the month, to pencil in our vote for obama. Not only do we need 17…but we need 17 alternatives, just in case the first 17 flake out

(Remember no one knows what’s going on this whole time…people are just yelling their name and getting it put on a list)

950p

Now, we have 34 people…and they hand the mic to each one, so they can “campaign” for a minute, saying they promise they will show up in Frisco, when they are supposed to, and they promise they will vote of obama and not Hillary

This is pointless and takes forever

(By now, it’s almost 10p… over 50% of everyone has left…and all of the other 2 precincts had left, since they were done (had less people in their group))

After they campaign… we all got in a line 100 people long…each of us have 17 votes…and we vote on which 17 people we want to represent us and go to Frisco to put in the vote
We don’t know any of these ninja’s… we couldn’t hear or remember what they said when they had the mic
WTF is going on

Anyways, we basically go up to the list, pick a random 17 out of the 34 names

Then finally we are done at 10 10 pm

3hours 10mins

Terrible


Then I go home…find out Hillary won the popular vote, and it’s like a kick in the groin
I guess the only saving grace is that… all that effort I put into the caucus process might count for something cuz it looks like Obama won the Texas Caucus vote.

(Popular vote determines 2/3 of the delegates; Caucus determines 1/3 of the delegates)

Conclusion…
The voting process is so confusing and inconvenient… on purpose, I feel, to disenfranchise people.
They (the powers that be) don’t want u to vote, they wanna do whatever they wanna do…and don’t want lil elections to get in their way

Random Thoughts on a Friday

I'm back!!! I have to apologize to those of you that frequent this blog on a regular basis, Ive been extremely busy. School, work, side hustles & relationship issues have taken over my life. Who knew starting your own company took so much freaking work? Who knew that id actually have to do this much school work for freaking BLAW?? Who knew that a series of catastrophic events would lead to this overwhelming feeling of clarity, intent ,purpose & regret. Ive got to get her back! Just a teaser for future entries. So stay tuned.......

Hannah Montanna

I guess I am getting old because this phenomenon just boggles my mind. I was at the movies a few weeks ago, I think I saw Cloverfield [which by the way is a great movie], and as I was walking to my theatre I noticed a line almost wrapped around the building. My first thought was, there must be a private screening of something playing. But as many of you know, I usually have the hook up on these kinds of things, and I hadn't heard of anything major coming down the pipe line. Further more, the closer I got to my theater, the more I started to notice the faces in this ridiculously long line. Pimples, ponytails, braces and parents. WTF is going on. My curiosity finally got the best of me and I had to ask the popcorn guy, "What are these kids doing in this line?". With a smirk on his face, he replied "Man, they are here for that Hannah Montanna concert".................[dumb face] huh?! I wish I had my camera on me, because this line was ridiculous. Something similar to those fools that waited in line for the iphone or ps3 during xmas time. Actually this line might have been longer than that, but you get the point. After talking to some other people that worked at the theater [im so nosey], most of these people had "camped" out in line for almost 2hours. Are you kidding me? What is the basis of this girls appeal? I just don't get it. Couple days later, I had done some reading about this anomaly, and it appears that this chick is making major bucks off this bit. Her concert tickets are costing folks $1000 bucks a pop.........and they are selling out!!! Also, I read that the reason these people were "camping out", was because Disney, the corporate masterminds behind this whole thing, promoted the movie/concert as a limited release..........so they could guilt trip millions of parents into taking their kids to see it before Disney stoped showing it, only to turn around the next weekend & announce that they would extend the movies release for another week [to rake in even more money]. WOW. Capitalism at its finest. Britney, Lindsay Lohan, & Paris are fuckin up & this 13 yr old chick is cashing in.........

Obama v Clinton: Texas Death Match

Caught the tail end of this thing last night & I really wish I could have been there. The debate in Austin had the feel of a heavy weight chamionship fight. Each candidate stood toe to toe & battled on every issue imaginable. From Castro to homeland security, it seemed like everyone in the audience [including me] marveled at how both candidates were so poised & answered every question with the confidence and conviction that our future president should have. Its a shame that one of them has to lose. I actually felt sorry for Hilary last night. At some points it seemed like she resorted to dirty politics instead of just sticking to the issues. She has things on her side that work in her favor. She has the experience to lead on day one. She is a fighter. Instead of playing to those strengths, she called out Obama, for plagiarising some of his speeches, a tactic that didn't go over well with the packed crowd at the University of Texas. When Obama had his time to address this non issue, he once again rose to the occasion, played to the crowd & shifted the focus of the debate back to where it belonged: The issues of the American people. It seems like my dreams of having them on the same ticket are fading fast. Based on their current platforms, there is no way either one of them can pick the each other as a running mate. Shame. I'm voting on March 4th..........are you?

Business Relationship gone bad

I recently had to sever ties with a few associates this week. In my quest to find something to motivate me in my post college life, Ive decided that the prospect of owning my own business is something I really want to do. I am money motivated. Is funny how ill be sitting in class struggling to stay awake, but if we are talking about a deal that will put 20k in my pocket, im up all night reading and doing the research. Anyhow, I am really just wanting to supplement my 9-5 income with additional income through side investments and other things. Well, in the process I got mixed up with a couple guys that turned out to no be very trustworthy. Long story short I was dealing with people who had nothing to lose. I closed a few deals with them (all legal) & I was able to get out of some deals without having to come out of pocket or having my credit effected. This is pretty significant, because im sure most of you know people that have gotten burned on bad investment decisions. Thankfully this didnt happen to me. Through this process, Ive learned many important lessons; 1) Any business relationship should be equally beneficial 2) If you are hearing things that seem to good to be true, they usually are & 3) Document EVERYTHING [helps when a deal turns into a he said- he said]. This post is pretty vague, but I cant reveal my plans for world domination. I didn't make much in terms of monetary gain, but the experiences Ive had in the last 6 months will help make future business ventures all the more stronger. Just know, that when others are sleeping, I'm awake thinking of ways to make a dollar out of 15 cents........

Making the Band

When did this show get this good? I am hooked!! Like Tyron Biggums hooked!!! Making the Band 4 is the greatest things since sliced bread!! . I don't know what it is about seeing how the other half live, but when you put these people in certain situations, it makes for entertaining television. Danity Kane, Da Band & Donnie all in the same house recording albums in a condensed time frame.......Genius. That Aubrey O`Day! Hot like fire! Hmm Hmm Hmm! Donnie you fool!! I know what Q did was messed up, but damn son, seriously, what the hell were you thinking??? Tear. I don't watch too much tv, but I make a point to catch this live & if I cant do that, I watch the webisode on MTV.com.............

Side note: This is gonna sound really gay, but that song "Exclusive" grew on me and found its way into my ipod and into my current truck lisening rotation. "All of a sudden, my vision became so clear......" Im sorry but this song is off the chain....

Quote of the year

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day I'm not sure how we got on this topic, but we were talking about gold diggers & cougars. Don't ask! Anyway, my friend spent time in Seattle last year he was trying to tell me that the gold diggers in Seattle are the boldest creatures on the face of planet. Me being naturally skeptical, told him to prove it. So he started telling me this story about how he approached this female in the club. After exchanging pleasantries he went in for the kill:

Friend: So what kind of man are you looking for? Whats your motivation right now? Whats on your mind?

Gold Digger: *smacks gum obnoxiously* Well uh, to be perfeckly honest, I gotta take care of my son & my brother. So I really just need a man to "make it rain on my rent".

Friend: *walks off in stunned disbelief*

WOW. The first time I heard this, I was driving & almost wrecked my truck. That is some bold, wild ass shit. Damn!

That's all I got for now.

Till next time....

Clemens shelled by Congress

WASHINGTON – Question by question, disputed answer by disputed answer, Roger Clemens' house of lies came tumbling down upon him Wednesday.

Whatever Clemens thought he'd get out of turning a sporting controversy into a federal case courtesy of this congressional hearing never materialized. He scored few points while getting caught up in his own words, nonsensical logic and twisted timelines, even before his friend and former teammate Andy Pettitte laid him out.

Presumably there are people in America who still believe Clemens is the only honest man in this entire sordid steroid scandal, that the entire world (friends included) decided one day to gang up and frame him, that he is just a trusting victim here, but other than those on his considerable payroll, they were hard to find anywhere near room 2154 of the Rayburn House Office Building on this cold, rainy day.

Clemens was doomed from the start, crushed by sworn affidavits and repeated under-oath testimony from Pettitte and his wife Laura – almost unimpeachable witnesses – who not only backed up the words of former trainer Brian McNamee, but blew Clemens' own stories out of the water.

Congressmen Henry Waxman of California and Elijah Cummings of Maryland double-teamed Clemens early, and no amount of ensuing sympathetic lawmakers, McNamee creepiness or Clemens campaign speeches could bail him out.
"I found McNamee very credible," Waxman said after the hearing. "I thought what he said had a lot of credibility."

Clemens is almost assuredly going to face federal perjury charges after he continued to stick to a story that stood in stark contrast with repeated under-oath testimony of everyone else. Once the Pettittes – and former teammate Chuck Knoblauch – backed McNamee's word over Clemens', this was no longer about he said, he said.
This was he said, everyone said.

"You understand you're under oath," Cummings kept asking Clemens, almost dumbfounded that the pitcher could be so brazen under oath.

What else could Cummings do? It was stunning to watch Clemens hang himself, trying to worm his way out from under Pettitte's testimony.

"I'm looking for an independent source to tell me what to believe," Cummings said. "There are a number of things that make (Pettitte's) testimony swing the balance over to Mr. McNamee. And a number of them come from your own words."

It was one thing for Clemens to attack the credibility of McNamee, who has his own ethical issues, but Pettitte testified not only about his own drug use. Just for honesty's sake, he admitted a few more things, and thereby became unassailable.

Clemens could only offer that Pettitte must have "misheard" or "misremembered" the detailed account Pettitte gave about Clemens telling him that he took HGH. But he had no answer for the fact that Pettitte's wife, in a sworn affidavit, said that her husband told her of the conversations at that time and the stories haven't changed.

It was a double barrel shot of destruction, the Pettittes asserting that their close friend was now not just a cheat, but a liar.

Clemens had nothing, just pathetic ramblings about how he was a great American for pitching at the Olympics, how if he was guilty of anything it was "being too nice," and throwing everyone from his agents, to his mother, to his wife under the bus of blame.

According to Clemens, this was just one big conspiracy, apparently. But he looked like a guy who's been surrounded by yes men for decades, someone so removed from reality he figured he could come to Capitol Hill, talk loud, and everyone would nod and leave him alone.

Only a couple of our most inane lawmakers bought any part of his nonsense defense.
His factual arguments were particularly ridiculous. He claimed Pettitte must be confused, because if Pettitte really thought Clemens had used HGH, he would have come and asked Clemens about the drug before taking it himself.

But Pettitte did think Clemens was using HGH and didn't discuss it with Clemens.
Cummings pointed out the failed logic behind that argument. Only to have Clemens repeat it a couple more times.

When Clemens claimed McNamee lied to save himself from prosecution, Cummings pointed out that McNamee told Pettitte about Clemens' drug use in 2002, which means he would have been predicting the future. How is that possible?

"I don’t know," Clemens said.

It was all he had, like a struggling pitcher waiting for a bullpen to come save him.
"It's hard to believe you, sir," Cummings said. "It's hard to say that; you are one of my heroes. But it's hard to believe you."

And Rep. Mark Souder after the hearings: "I found Clemens almost as believable as Rafael Palmeiro."

The lengthy hearings were predictably foolish and distracted at times, unnecessary tangents explored for no apparent reason.

In classic Washington fashion, things occasionally broke along partisan lines. Somehow Republicans and Democrats around here can't agree on anything, even the circumstances surrounding the formation of a "palpable mass" on Clemens' backside.

Clemens' best moments came when McNamee was skewered for his tendency to lie – mostly to newspaper reporters. But even that was Washington gumption; the idea that politicians should lecture anyone about telling the truth is absurd.

The most vocal grandstander was Rep. Dan Burton of rural Indiana, who absolutely skewered McNamee.

"This is really disgusting," Burton said. "I don't know what to believe. I know what I don't believe and that's you."

Strong words from a guy who while cheating on his wife knocked up his girlfriend and went years without visiting his son (though he was kind enough to cut him some checks).
But that's America and this is its pastime.

One of Clemens' chief problems was he was fighting on difficult ground. The contested points of his story centered on whether he took performance enhancing drugs, whether he told people he took them, whether he participated in witness tampering and whether he changed his under oath stories. These all were the heart of the matter here.

For McNamee, the debate was about whether he accurately remembered whether Clemens was at a party at Jose Canseco's house, a fairly unimportant detail, or whether he told tales in the newspapers, which is not a crime.

Clemens could never counter why McNamee was telling the truth about Pettitte and Knoblauch, but lying about him. Or why Pettitte was lying at all.

"Andy would have no reason to (lie)," Clemens said. "He's my friend."

Since everyone here acknowledged that one side must be lying and no one thought it was Pettitte, guess who that left with a self-imposed, ill-fated and unnecessary perjury charge on the horizon?

Dan Wetzel is Yahoo! Sports' national columnist. Send Dan a question or comment for potential use in a future column or webcast.
Updated on Wednesday

Obama Assassination?

I just read a really good article, which explores how some parts of the African American community feel Obama may fall victim to an assassination attempt. As a Black male, I am really happy to see that a Black man is actually getting a fair shake at the White House. Not only that, he is having unprecidented success [up to this point] in the primaries leading up to the Democratic nomination. While his success makes all of us proud, it also makes many people fear for Obama’s safety. Obama isnt merely another Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton, prominent African Americans who didnt realy have realistic chances of becoming President. Obama`s canadacy represents a grass roots movement toward change whos appeal reaches all races, ages & parties. He has as good a shot of winning the presidency as any of the remaining hopefulls. That being said, I think we must take a look at our nations history and remember that black leaders in America have been targets of assassins in the past.

The post I read was in the NY Times & the general premis was that if you vote for him are you setting Obama up for assasination. I think more than anything there are alot of interests that would be compromised, should Obama be elected President of the United States. For example, right now the Iraq war is making alot of people on the right extremely rich in this counrty. At a recent speech in St Louis, Obama said that if elected he would bring the troops home by the end of 2009. For those that have a vested intrest in continuing the US occupancy in Iraq, this potential loss of war contracts & negative impact to their pocket books, could be enough to illict a violent reaction. Most extremist generally dont need much of a reason to murder someone, but given the fact a black man is trying to bring this type of change at this time, the atmosphere is ripe for an unspeakable tradedy.

"Not all people who consider this possibility - an assassination of Obama - are crazy or needlessly fearful, though. While the very idea of Obama being assassinated is repugnant, it’s certainly not outside the realm of possibilities. Given that we have already seen hostages taken and someone with a knife in a campaign office - and that just the idea of a President Obama is extremely threatening to a certain small subset of the American population - this means that it’s something we should at least talk about, in my opinion. Refusing to even consider the topic isn’t going to do any good at all. When has putting blinders on ever been the right response to a controversial topic?"

So what are you supposed to do if you feel this way? I think the last thing people should do is vote the other way because they want to keep someone out of harms way. If you feel Obama is the best guy for the job, vote for him. That being said, What am I gona do?? I honestly dont know. I try not to let fear run my life, in any aspect, but I am honestly torn on this one. I have 2 fears about the Obama canadacy: 1) in an election [between he and Hilary] this close, there are enough people, like the ones referenced in the Times article, out there that will vote the other way because they dont want to see Obama get assassinated & like the last two election: my vote wont matter. 2) If he is eleceted president, he will be a constant target & will most likely not finish his term [hell be killed]. I dunno, I just have this feeling that all of this hoopla is gonna end tragically & I cant shake it. Call me a cynic, but I just dont think this race driven America that we all know & love, is ready for a Black man to become President of the United States........but well just have to wait and see how this all plays out.

Till next time........

18 -1: Go Trademark That!!!

I still cant believe it. If I am dreaming, I dont ever want to wake up. My New York Giants have done the impossible. 14 point underdogs. 19-0 Patriot Perfection books on Amazon.com. All the doubters. Boston post publishing the Super Bowl parade route. Some random dude patents 19-0 & the perfect season expecting millions. Are you catching my drift?? In the face of all of that nonsense, the Giants found a way to climb the mountain and become the World Champions!!!

I have so many things going through my mind right now, so I dont really know where to start. But I think that it would only be fitting to start this post by singing the praises of Eli "Super Bowl MVP" Manning. Words cannot explain how personally gratifying it is for me to watch this kid have this kind of success after all of the abuse he has taken during his career. People fail to realize that this kid is only in his 4th season. I can understand that when you are drafted number one overall that certain things are expected of you, but My God, it seemed like this guy was held to this impossible standard. To all the critics: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Eli Manning is no longer the butt of jokes. He is no longer just "Peytons little brother". He is the man that just played his ass off on the biggest stage in all of sports. He is the man that completed the greatest play in SB history [3rd & 5 to David Tyree] He is the guy that just threw the game winning touchdown pass in the Super Bowl. He is the man that dethroned the self proclamied unbeatable perfect Patriots. Hollywood cant write a better script. I am so happy for this guy! He goes 19-34 for 255 & 2TDs on his way to a well deserved Super Bowl MVP. Today, on Feb 3 2008, in front of the entire world , the profecy has been fufilled: Eil Manning has arrived!

Michael Strahan!!!! Can you believe that he almost missed all of this? Number 92 is the new poster child for the "I dont need training camp" athlete. After missing training camp and starting slow the first two games, this 15 year veteran got in game shape and has been a vital part of the best pass rush in the NFL. Tonight they got after Tom Brady for sixty minutes and made him as uncomfortable in the pocket as ive ever seen him this year. He never had time for to complete the deep ball and when he did get a pass off, he paid for it everytime. [5 sacks & at least 30 hits & pressures]

Quote of the day:

"Im about to get ready for this parade that was scheduled to be in Boston, that just got moved to New York" - Michael Strahan, when asked by the media, how he would enjoy this SB victory.

What can you say about Osi Umenyiora?? It does my heart good to see a fellow Nigerian having this kind of success in Americas game. He is a wonderful role modle. It doesnt matter where you come from, if you work hard, you can make your dreams come true!!This sack machine was part of the brilliant Giants gamplan to pound Tom Brady. Ive never seen a team put that much pressure on Brady & the Patriots. They crushed Brady everychance they got & also made the Patriots running game a nonfactor. Can you believe that San Diego almost made Osi part of the Eli trade 4 years ago??

"I think of that a lot," Umenyiora said. "It's an amazing thing how destiny and all those things come into play. I don't believe I'd be the player that I am today if I had gone to San Diego. And that's nothing against San Diego, but I think they run a different scheme, and they might have tried to put me at outside linebacker at the time and it might not have been a good fit."

Thank God the Giants refused to part ways with this guy. Hes gonna be the face of our defense for a long, long time....

DAVID FREAKIN TYREE!!!!!!!

Where the hell did this guy come from. Pretty much a non factor in the last 12 games weve played, he took the burdon off of Plaxico by having a break out game tonight. I also have to give an honorably mention to Steve Smith, who made up for his dropped pass - interception, by becoming a clutch third wide reciever & making some big 3rd down receptions. Ive seen this guy get progressively better each week during these playoffs & im excited to see what he will bring to our team next year. Everyone of our receivers played their part in this win tonight. Boss, Tyree, Smith, Toomer, Burress. They all made plays tonight. Total team effort. Im happy for Tyree. This play he made on 3rd & 5 will be replayed over and over for years to come. I think I aged 5 years after I saw this play unfold. HOLY SHIT!!!

Watching Plaxico catch this touchdown pass brought tears to my eyes. It made the dream real. It meant so much for so many reasons. Plaxico has been fuckin hurt all year and has consistantly played at a high level. How fitting it is that this warrior would be the one to catch the game winning touchdown in the biggest game of the year. He took so much heat this week for merely refusing to give the Patriots 19-0. He talked the talk & walked the walk. This wasn't just the ending to one of the best Super Bowls you will ever see. It was the ending to as good a football story as has ever been written, by any team in any year.

Sour Grapes

With :01 left on the clock, and his team just having failed on a last chance 4th down effort, Bill Belichick ran onto the field for a quick handshake, and then bolted for the locker room. Belichick's an important guy and everything, but I wasn't aware that the league had given him the authority to decide when games end.There's time left on the clock, his team's been humbled, outplayed, and lost their chance at history ... and Bill Belichick doesn't have the stomach to sit there and absorb the pain until the clock read 0:00.

That's unsportsmanlike at best, disrespectful at least, and at worst, it makes him a big sissy. Because Bill Belichick wanted to go hide when he lost, the field ended up being flooded with people, and the officials had to clear the area before the Giants could take their final snap and make it official.

When you lose, you take your loss. You don't leave early because it makes you feel sad inside. Your opponent deserves more respect than that.Anyone remember in 2004 when Randy Moss left the sidelines with two seconds left in a Vikings vs. Redskins game? Moss was selfish, a baby, a quitter, didn't respect his teammates, and didn't respect the game.

Belichick just did the same thing, but did it on the biggest possible stage, and did it from the position of a leader of men.Maybe there's something to be said for the inability to lose well ... most great winners don't lose well, and a sore loser is still a loser.

But still, if you're an adult, you finish out the game, and you give your opponents the stage and the respect they deserve. [yahoo news]

Till next time.............GO GIANTS!!!!